Secrets, not Choices

"Every one says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive ... And then, to mention the subject at all is to be greeted with howls of anger." --Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis


 BOOK 3 PART 7, Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis

View HERE

Often in the business of forgiveness it's secrets not choices that rule the day, and we feel we cannot forgive, forgive our self for things gone wrong. Holding oneself responsible may be the single most difficult task. To do so delivers one to a state without fear, a place of courage and clarity through carefully revisiting and re-inspecting the details of a harmful situation. The task of examining intention and motive are often not easy. There may be some ill will involved, some jealousy or malice. These may have been spoken or not.

The truth gives one the power to make decisions. Armed with information, good reliable information, one is able to realistically make assessments and base action taken on solid ground. On the contrary when we make and hold onto secrets, they, not the truth often drive our thoughts and behavior towards secrecy, towards deception and deceit. So it is secrets not choices that make for the unforgiven.
I have learned your secrets not so much to pry as to see clearly to forgive you. I know. It's not a secret. So forgive yourself.

Working To See More Clearly

"Take up the way of meeting others on equal ground."
--Buddhist precept as discussed by Diane Rizzetto in her book, Waking Up to What You Do.

In her book, Waking Up to What You Do, Abbess Diane Rizzetto writes on the precept of meeting others on equal ground. She quotes the writer Dag Hammarskjold, Markings:

"To be humble is not to make comparisons. Secure in

its reality, the self is neither better nor worse, bigger nor smaller, 

than any thing else in the universe. It is nothing; at the same time, 

one with the universe." 

What are the obvious and not so obvious ways that we regard ourselves in light of others? Do we gain self-worth in measuring ourselves against others? Do we consider our own thoughts, our own way? Do we praise ourselves at the expense of others? Or while not praising ourselves, abuse others?

What keeps us from meeting others, from meeting the stranger on equal ground? What about competition--are there winners and losers in the world? How does anger, insecurity, fear, shame and blame block the way of meeting others on equal ground? 

Why must we meet equally? Despite our sometimes fearful and anxious experiences of meeting others with pounding heart and cold hand, adrenaline flowing, making us feel like ice, meeting others on equal ground is important.

Even so, there are many ways we either subtly or overtly avoid our feelings and perceptions of unease with ourselves; we measure, we criticize, blame and shame our way through life. Putting others down will pull us up, it seems--maybe.

 By learning more about the reality of inter-being we come to find that this isn't so.

  Making you dirty, makes me dirty; disrespect to you is disrespect to myself. I am the doing, the making of it all, the dream of self. Considering this perception, we find it isn't limited to speech. Behavior is also a means of competition and measuring ourselves to others.
 Dag Hammarskjold Video